“I don’t know what to say, Sara. I really don’t.”
She tried to smile through her tears as she moved her head to the sound of my voice. I was struck by how odd it was to see her cry; I had not seen her cry since the accident, and her closed eyes with tears seemed somehow unnatural to me.
“I know that you are suffering Ethan, I know you are hiding things from me and I cannot bear that there is this wall between us. You know that I don’t blame you for anything, but since I left the hospital it’s as though you can’t bear to touch me. When you do kiss me, or hold me I can feel your reticence and when I’ve tried to initiate anything more you back away from me. I can’t bear that you are still here because you feel guilty; just go!”
I want so very much to be able to say that my heart broke in that moment, but I felt it lift; as though all of my guilt left me and I was free again. Not my guilt for taking her sight, but the guilt that was holding me to her.
I kissed her forehead, picked up my keys and left.