Day: July 6, 2008

Ferdie wondered if he was ever going to look at anything more than a blank screen. It was three weeks since he had written anything and his editor was starting to get really quite aggressive in his demands for material. Ferdie was not sure that it was okay for anyone to threaten to remove each of one’s fingernails with pliers if you did not deliver a blog article.

He had tried everything; drinking, getting high, sitting outside in the dark looking down on the lights of the city, smoking cigarettes and driving around the Venice streets looking for people that he used to know… Anything to find some inspiration, but nothing was working, and there was nothing there every time when he did one of these things and then reached in to try and find some inspiration.

There was nothing that had not already been said, nothing to believe in any more and it had been this way for almost exactly three and a half weeks. Why was this? Anyone could have guessed that it was because Vicky had left, but he could not see it.

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I wanted to buy Sara a present; that was made me understand what had really changed. It was a week before our fourth anniversary and a month before we were still due to marry. I was in town alone and I decided that I would buy her something for our anniversary. I knew that no gift was going to make it better, but I wanted to signify to her that I was thinking of her; thinking of her more than I thought she knew.

I wandered around her favourite stores, looking for something that would make her smile, that would let her know that I had thought about what she liked, who she was and then I had found the perfect gift. That was the problem though; I was looking, and she could not do that anymore. After about an hour it dawned on me, and crazy as it may sound, I think it was then that I really understood for the first time that she was blind. I could not buy her a beautiful painting or exquisite jewellery, things that would once have captivated her with the way they looked. Now that was only cruel, not thoughtful.

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