Day: September 7, 2008

I looked again, trying to see something that in my heart I knew I would never see again. There is no way to describe the moment when you cannot be sure that the person you love is lying dead in front of you; just on the other side of a window, and just for a moment you cannot quite tell if it really is them. There is no spark there, no humanity left, all that is there is flesh and bone, no life at all.

Dwight had just popped out to meet an old friend from university at a bar, there had been nothing special about his plans. We had both gone out for similarly unremarkable evenings without one another. That is what couples do sometimes, no one can spend all of their time with another person.

As I stared at his body lying there, my hand cold against the glass, all I could think was that he might still have been alive if just that one time I had been a little more clingy, a little more needy and even a little jealous and had imposed my presence on the proceedings. I knew it and I could not forgive myself at all.

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The fire was burned down to embers, just a soft orange glow that was barely heating the inch around it, let alone the three sleeping bags scattered around or the people in them. Scott pulled his knees in closer to his chest and cursed all three of them for sleeping.

The sky was lightening in the East, slowly shifting from black to a rich deep blue. If it had not been for the exhaustion that was starting to come to him he would have genuinely loved the view; with enough sleep behind him, dawn was his favourite time of the day. He padded his pockets one more time, looking for smokes that he knew were not there. Why had he only brought one pack with him?

It had seemed like such a good idea to get out of town for the weekend when David had suggested it, and until the others had crashed after all the beer and guy-talk he had enjoyed it; it had taken his mind off Erica, as David had planned all along. He had not had as much to drink as the others and once there was no one to talk to, his mind went into overdrive.

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